This evening I was at the barbershop getting a haircut and as it seems to be the tradition at barbershops personal stories were being shared. This time the running story was about the barber’s own love life. Apparently he had just broken up with his girlfriend or rather she had just broken up with him because she thought he was cheating.
Ok, so I’ve known this guy for quite a while and while I cannot confirm or deny that he cheated I can say he has a lot of female friends. A lot. He’s funny, witty and flirts quite well.
In his own words, what was even more disappointing was the fact that THIS time he wasn’t even guilty of cheating! The other times he had ACTUALLY messed around she hadn’t even known. And even more importantly, it wasn’t so long ago that he had had to forgive her for sleeping with another guy on the side.
Now before you go all “it’s all he said, she said” on me, I know. It’s largely hearsay, and I haven’t heard the girl’s side of the story. But this is not a court of law.
**( Salons such as barbershops and beauty shops are seen as a safe haven for individuals to air and share their views in culturally rich societies.)
My haircut took longer than normal because of his breaks while narrating his story and while he talked I asked myself the same question I’ve always asked when I hear such tales.
Why? Why would you be in a relationship and cheat instead of just ending it if you’re done? It’s a naïve question right? I know. But none of the answers I’ve ever received have made any sense to me. And that’s without even bringing in my christian background.
Is it because of boredom? You get bored with being with one person? Then remain single for pete’s sake! Be a serial monogamist if you must date, keep them short and simple if you don’t want a long “drawn out thing” and move on. Don’t have a girl or a guy you call your girlfriend or boyfriend who’s always wondering who you’re with at any point in time. That doesn’t exactly scream trust now does it?
For some of us it’s not about boredom, we just want options. Like a DSTV subscriber on the premium bouquet, we want it all. It’s selfish. I bet YOU won’t feel so good if you found out your boyfriend/girlfriend wasn’t satisfied with having just you and he/she went out and found options to you. That would suck epically wouldn’t it?
For some others, it’s the thrill of danger. Riding the fine line of being found out. It’s not the sex, nor are they particularly interested in a relationship; they get high off the risk of getting caught.
For yet some of us, it’s about insurance. You know, when you’re not so sure where your present relationship is headed and you start another one “on the side” so you could be on the safe side. Just in case.
I can actually empathise with this, especially in the case of my ladies, because we guys can be an indecisive lot and we make forward-planning for the ladies difficult. Still, two wrongs don’t make a right. If the relationship is heading nowhere, end it. If you’re not sure where it’s heading, find out.
I came across a quote that encapsulates my feelings on this issue.
If you’re in love with two people, end the relationship with the first one because if you really loved the first, you wouldn’t be in love with the second.
Here’s a stream of logic; if as a guy you’re married or in a relationship and you’re cheating on your wife or girl thus ending the relationship; what makes you think your present squeeze isn’t going to cheat on you? Or you think your “game” is locked tight? Some other guy isn’t capable of turning your babe’s head? Same applies to the ladies.
What makes you think some other lady who is hotter than you, has Kim Kardashian specifications, is probably crazier in bed than you are, whose prowess in the kitchen is sous chef level, isn’t going to snatch your man? You didn’t exactly play fair to get him now did you?
I read a study once in school that said the chances of a marriage surviving dropped 25% after each marriage. So if you were married the second time, chances of it surviving where 75%, the third time 50% and so on. That makes for some grim reading doesn’t it? That said, the focus of this article is the unmarried.
The heart wants what the heart wants
This quote is most frequently thrown around. A quote that infuriates me to no end because it smacks of egocentric narcissism. More often than not, what the heart wants does not and should not belong to it. Nor should such want be satisfied. But we chase what the heart wants because it feels sooo good it couldn’t possibly be wrong; trampling on other people’s feelings in the process.
This is just me but cheating is illogical. The numbers say cheating rarely ever ends well. Not to mention it’s incredibly selfish and hurtful. It’s not something you do to anyone you care about.
Ariel Ugorji identifies himself as a mild insomniac, geek, nerd, an audiophile, an avid music lover, Liverpool Fan and an unashamed Christian; with more often than not a completely different point of view on the world and a love for sensible arguments. He Resides in Warri, Nigeria; the land of the sharp and the brave.
To view more of his write ups, please visit his BLOG. You can also share your views with him on twitter @arielugorji.
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