I recently stumbled on a relatively new tv series with same title this topic and as you can imagine, it got me thinking.

Traditionally a mistress is a “kept woman” by a married man – whom his wife (usually) doesn’t know about.

There are however instances where the wife is aware of the mistress’ existence and is okay with it (I will explore this later) – for the man’s sexual satisfaction; He then pays her bills, takes care of her, you get the idea. “Runs” girls almost always fall into this category (something we’re all familiar with)

I’ve always imagined what founded the whole phenomena of the “mistress” but didn’t give it serious thought until very recently. So after a few days of thinking and research I arrived at a few things.

I will approach this from the male point of view since, we’re talking about mistresses, and will be addressing the ladies.


First off, let me dispel the common misconception that men are “dogs” or “randy” or we want to jump on anything we see in two legs and a skirt. Women are just as promiscuous as men can be and a hell of a lot sneakier at it. So when I hear ladies use this to describe a man or men who cheated, in most cases I see ladies who refuse to take their share of the blame because when looked at critically you make it a hell of a lot easier for him to cheat than it ordinarily should be.

Am I laying the blame at the feet of the women? No! It takes two to cheat, I’m just saying don’t go around on your high horse when you’re partially at fault.

At some point you’ve asked yourself what exactly is this guy seeing in this other woman that he isn’t seeing in you? Or what does she have to offer that you haven’t brought to the table?
I’ve thought of a few things. Before we go on please remember this; as a wife you’re a superwoman.

You are Wonder Woman, the real MVP

It’s that simple. Your husband expects it, if you have kids, to them you’re the true Wonder Woman. God grants a special measure of grace to the wife. So you need to embrace it and live like it, why? Because some of the things I’m about to say will rile up some women and have them thinking why they should have to do all these when they’ve got the man already?

FYI, this is the kind of thinking that has got you in this position in the first place.


Back to what we were saying; here are some lessons to learn from successful mistresses.

1. Initiate Sexual Contact: This is basic really. Men pursue, naturally, but we also love being found desirable. You think all those work outs are just to look buff or impress our friends? They’re for YOU the wife to notice AND appreciate. When another woman begins to appreciate it, well, we’re only human.

And if he doesn’t work out or doesn’t look like Gerard Butler in 300; KINDLY ( I say kindly because some women go about this by insulting the man’s ego ) suggest it if that kind of thing turns you on and he will be pumping weights the next day.

2. Show Interest in A Man’s Hobbies
Is he into football or any other form of sports? Most men are. It doesn’t hurt to at the very least know the name of the team he supports. You don’t have to love it like he does, just show genuine interest ( we usually know when you’re faking interest, even then it may not matter much because at least you tried ). But genuine interest is better because you’ll both have a common ground and something to draw you closer.

3. Nice:
Testosterone dictates that we be macho and so we try to hide our feelings as much as possible and internalise everything. The important thing to note however is that we DO have feelings and we certainly appreciate it when you say nice things to us and use terms of endearment and you say such nice things in soft voices etc. Sounds corny right? Yeah, well,this is exactly what the other woman is doing. A brother wants to come home and his wife is nice to him, not going all Nikita on his ears when he hasn’t even recovered from work.

4. Know When to Shut IT!
Nothing pisses a man off more than a woman that nags. My goodness, it is annoying. You have got to know when to let a man off easy. We don’t feel the need to say everything we are feeling like ladies so when you push, we retreat.

Also, resist complaining to him about things he can do nothing about. Not everything you think as a woman needs to be said out loud to your husband. Do the bulk of your complaining to God. He knows, understands, and is able to effect change when your husband doesn’t, won’t , or can’t. If you need to vent to or unload upon another human being, call or meet with a trusted friend, and give your man’s ears a darn break.


5. Dress and Look Sexy:
Men are visual and I cannot count how many times I have said this. Some women get married and allow themselves to fall all over the place because, well, they’ve got the man now so……. Anyway, you can bet top dollar that his mistress is investing in looking and smelling and feeling good and thus keeping his attention. I’m not saying do it every time, because it can be difficult especially when you’ve got kids, but every once in a while remind him you’re – for lack of a better word – HOT🔥🔥🔥.

6. Know What is Going on at Work:
It’s interesting how many wives have no idea what is going on with their husbands at work. For better or for worse, many men define themselves according to what they do for a living.
Wives should know how that part of their man’s life is progressing.

7. Buy Gifts (sometimes):
Relationships are give and take. Imagine how you felt when your man bought something for you? We love your reactions when we hand you gifts, but also appreciate it when you return the favor (sometimes). It means you see us, we’re not just atm machines to you.

8. COOK!:
I don’t know how else to emphasise this. Keep your man coming back to your kitchen. The grief you’ll save yourself by doing this is immeasurable.


In some exceptional cases, there are women whose husbands have mistresses and they seem to be totally fine with them. I honestly have nothing to say about such situations. I personally don’t know many ladies who will be willing to share their men with other women.

In conclusion and most importantly, wives pray for your husbands. Because despite the marital vows, we’re flesh and blood and can make mistakes. In the world we live in marital faithfulness is impossible without God’s grace, having only touched on the physical aspect.

There are situations where mistresses have exerted spiritual influence over husbands (juju) And no amount of cooking or compliments or attention or gifts will open his eyes.
In such cases, only God can deliver.

Ariel Ugorji


Runs girl: (Nigerian Term) a young lady/woman who exchanges sexual favors for money from a sugar daddy to keep up a pretentious life style.

Juju: an object venerated superstitiously and used as a fetish or amulet by tribal peoples of West Africa.

Ariel Ugorji identifies himself as a mild insomniac, geek, nerd, an audiophile, an avid music lover, Liverpool Fan and an unashamed Christian; with more often than not a completely different point of view on the world and a love for sensible arguments. He Resides in Warri, Nigeria; the land of the sharp and the brave.

To view more of his write ups, please visit his BLOG. You can also share your views with him on twitter @arielugorji.

Do you share in the authors thoughts that desire is never enough to keep a relationship? Please share your thoughts.