Today we’re talking narcotics. Actually one narcotic in particular, it’s fairly common, it goes by the name Love. I think it’ll be an understatement to say that love is the most powerful force there is. Popular comedian Chris Rock once said in one of his shows that if you say you’ve ever being in love and you haven’t thought of killing someone or creating a watertight alibi when you have done it, then you haven’t been in love. He was joking of course but you get the idea.
Love has been the cause of wars, men have traded in their families for it, laid down their lives for it, killed for it, one of the most famous tragedies in literature – Romeo & Juliet – is built solely on it, some of the greatest works of art – the Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci, the Taj Mahal – were inspired by it, the Lord Jesus died because of it, the most important commandment of all is built around it (Matt 25: 35-40).
But I started this article the way I did for a reason; the idea of Love like any other well intentioned drug is abused.
The greeks identified 4 types of love:
1. Kinship or Familiarity
2. Friendship (Philia)
3. Romantic and /or Desire (Eros)
4. Self Emptying or Divine love (Agape)
For the most part of this article we will be talking about Romantic love but we will bring them all together at some point.
A few days ago I was listening to a Mila J song that encapsulated the whole twisted point of view of love that our generation has imbibed. The song was titled “Smoke, Drink, Break Up”. The whole message being that the only time she and her man (in the song) were in anything resembling a relationship was either when they were high or drunk. When both were sober, they couldn’t stand each other so they would break up. There was a particular riff that would repeat through the song going “either we’re smoking or we’re drinking or we’re at each other’s throats”.You could chose to see what she was saying literally or figuratively.
I’m a firm believer in three schools of love;
1.The Fast and the Furious kind: like the movies, here you’re riding on a high of hormones; adrenaline, and endorphins (coincidentally the same hormones that the brain releases in high quantities when an addict shoots up on heroin, or cocaine). You get a sense of euphoria when you’re with the person, the sex is awesome, when he/she is talking to you you can’t see straight, everybody else but yourself can see that this person is bad for you.
It’s like you’re on PCP (Breaking Bad fans will be familiar with the street name “Meth”) or LSD. You’re in an alternate universe where nothing anybody else says makes sense, just how you feel. Mila J and her man in that song are a slam dunk in this category. A lot (not all) of abusive relationships also fall into this category (that includes physical and emotional abuse).
These narcotics are probably worse than cocaine and heroin mentioned earlier because they’ve been known to alter realities, change perceptions and even change the personalities of people who’ve used them. See how I’ve managed to compare “love” to drugs? Interesting isn’t it?
2. The second I like to call “Cruise Control Love”: This type of love isn’t wild. It started on hormones (because let’s face it, that’s why the good Lord put the hormones there in the first place) of course, but the big difference is that it has moved beyond that. Any couple in this group has moved beyond the “Honeymoon Phase” because it just got real, it’s cerebral now. 1 Corinthians 13’s description of Love is what I’m talking about.
Going back to the four greek categories of love and you find every one of them in this category;
This couple has a kinship, a familiarity that either person saw that brought them together in the first place; then there’s a friendship built on that; then emotions get involved and they ain’t “just friends” anymore; and then yes, there is desire.
Now before I go further let me say this, a lot of good relationships have been built like this and do well, initially. But then they hit hiccups and then the difference between them and others who survived and grew ( in this day and age of stupendous divorce rates. 50% and rising) is the last category.
3. Self emptying and/or Divine love (agape).
Nothing built on Jesus breaks, as long as it stays on Jesus. It’s also not a coincidence that Jesus’ first miracle was at a wedding because God takes relationships very seriously. They mirror the relationships we have with Him. My point being love is complete when it’s built on Christ.
Back to desire; it’s important to realise that this category doesn’t come before marriage. I’m old school I know, but it’s Biblical so that’s that. After all if you’re going to do something, do it well, go the whole nine yards (To all my ladies reading this, no matter how twisted the world is today, virginity isn’t overrated, because deep down we guys all respect a lady who managed to keep herself to herself for marriage, even more so now that virgins are an endangered species)
So the question is this; are you looking for a high which will eventually wear off? Also remember that like with narcotics, when you’re high you are more likely to make monumentally stupid decisions that you’ll regret; there are ladies who have had children for men they had no business having children for. Or are you ready to cruise through love for the rest of your life, relaxed, taking in the scenery as the years go by?
If you’re in a relationship now, take a step back and evaluate. If you aren’t in one but want to be, it won’t hurt to ask yourself these questions.
Ariel Ugorji identifies himself as a mild insomniac, geek, nerd, an audiophile, an avid music lover, Liverpool Fan and an unashamed Christian; with more often than not a completely different point of view on the world and a love for sensible arguments. He Resides in Warri, Nigeria; the land of the sharp and the brave.
To view more of his write ups, please visit his BLOG. You can also share your views with him on twitter @arielugorji.
Do you share in the authors thoughts that desire is never enough to keep a relationship? Please share your thoughts.