I was asked a few days ago what constitutes wife/girlfriend material and I have to admit that I was stumped; it took me a few days of thinking and research to put this article together.
Upon writing this I decided on a simple approach; to split the two and discuss individually.
Asking what constitutes “girlfriend material” is difficult indeed because the concept of a “girlfriend” means a lot of things to different guys; a wife is more streamlined. If you ask ten dudes what they think makes a good wife, chances are they’ll all say the same thing with one or two minor differences. But ask those same guys what they look for in a girlfriend and the answers become a lot more colorful because boys want girlfriends for many different reasons.
For some it’s just sex. Nothing cerebral, nothing deep, nothing permanent. He isn’t really interested in what she’s got upstairs nor is he interested in taking it to “the next level”. He’s NEVER going to introduce her to his mama but will most likely brag about her with his friends. As a result, he is never fully invest in the relationship. It’s purely physical and the only thing the girl is bringing to the table (as far he’s concerned) is an amazing body and/or her prowess in bed.
For some others, it’s them cracking under peer pressure or simply just looking for companionship. Everyone has got a girlfriend and they don’t want to feel left out so they go out and get one. I saw a lot of these when I was in college; brothers pairing up with ladies because all their friends had girlfriends and so they could all hang out together without feeling like the “third wheel”.
The girlfriend here is essentially an accessory, like a lady with a designer handbag only brought out on special occasions. They are quite similar to those in the first category , except that sex might (surprisingly) not be involved and for the boys in this category, what they’re looking for in a girlfriend is generally what is determined by the group, not exactly what they would personally love to see in a girlfriend. She’s more often than not already fairly well known in this group.
Relationships like these generally do not last.
Category 3: WIFE MATERIAL
There’s yet another category of fellas for whom a girlfriend is serious business. This is where we begin to talk “wife material”; The whole package; A woman you could actually see yourself spending the rest of your life with; and ladies believe me when I tell you 80% of the time your looks don’t even factor in. Looking good helps though, don’t get it twisted.
I could reel out what “studies” indicate guys look for but this isn’t a class report so I will tell you what I’ve discovered from countless hours of talking with the guys, with my mom and watching the marriages of friends and family members.
1. DON’T MOTHER US: Guys want a woman who’ll take care of them, not “MOTHER” them (personally its irritating when a lady tries to “mother” me), it may be a little tricky but you need to figure out the difference.
No, I do not mean servitude or a woman who’ll just fade into the background behind us. That itself is very unappealing, but a good wife’s strength is in running the show in the background without getting in her husband’s way or unsurping him as the head of the house.
2. KNOW HOW TO COOK! It’s becoming
fashionable now for 21st century girls to proudly chirp “I can’t cook” or “I can only cook this” or “I can only cook that”. I haven’t met any guy yet who looks at any lady who can only slightly burn noodles, with respect. Yours truly included. It’s not weird that some men have left their wives because they ate “food” cooked for them by some lady at a local diner. There is a reason why love potions always seem to find their way into men’s food. Being able to cook may be old fashioned but it’s a requirement for most men.
3. NO DUMB GIRLS ALLOWED: She doesn’t have to be a genius but the rule of thumb is that if a girl can hold a conversation she’s got something upstairs. Being smart doesn’t necessarily mean book smart.
Ironically, smartness is one characteristic that makes good escorts. Yes you read that right, ESCORTS! The really good ones can hold their own almost anywhere, they are as comfortable at a political gathering as they are at a family event. How do I know? I did the research.
All these wifely requirements make the woman sound like a female version of James Bond? Not necessarily. Essentially, she just isn’t thrown off easily, by anything. The psychology behind this kind of thinking is that she’s dependable.
Men see “wife material” all over a girl who is put together. Not just physically in terms of looks and such; but mentally, emotionally. A guy wants to be able to come home from the all chaos in the world and have someone who helps him figure stuff out.
I mentioned earlier that 80% of the time looks don’t factor in and I still stand by that.
Men are visual creatures, I think that has been established already but when a dude is thinking “wife”, looks fall down the scale. Quite drastically I might add. Ask any man whom you know is married or just got married, looks didn’t factor in much. He probably had exes a hell of a lot more attractive than the woman he’s married to now, but he married her not them. (I feel it’s necessary to add however, that some guys have married things they shouldn’t have, not because they looked beyond appearances but because unforeseen powers aka juju was involved. But we’re not talking about them).
Finally and most importantly, a girl that screams “wife material” has to be God’s chosen one for you. I’ve tried to generalise, but fundamentally everyone is different and we all have different destinies. Marrying the woman God has prepared for you is possibly the best thing that could ever happen to you because you both would be unstoppable. A girl could tick all your boxes and not be the one, while another wouldn’t and yet Heaven is jumping up and down screaming “She’s the one!” . Spend time on your knees in prayer, if you’re sincere God will show you.
Ariel Ugorji identifies himself as a mild insomniac, geek, nerd, an audiophile, an avid music lover, Liverpool Fan and an unashamed Christian; with more often than not a completely different point of view on the world and a love for sensible arguments. He Resides in Warri, Nigeria; the land of the sharp and the brave.
To view more of his write ups, please visit his BLOG. You can also share your views with him on twitter @arielugorji.
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