To give this article some perspective, let me share a very short personal experience.
Towards the tail end of 2011, I was in Lagos in the home of a dear friend and as we were both single, we had one of many conversations about girls (what else?) and their irrational propensity to actively seek out “bad boys” to date. We came to two conclusions that evening:
1. I was going to be alone for a long time because try as I might, I’m just too much of a nice guy, being a bad boy wasn’t in my make up.
2. My friend made up his mind to be a bad guy, for all the reasons already mentioned.
Now after years of watching a staggering volume and variety of tv series, I recently came to spot a common trend and when you really think about it, you’ll see what I see too.
It’s this, whenever a dude really hurt a girl, like REALLY hurt her and they were say in an argument, it would end 8 or 9 times out 10 with the girl calling the guy either an asshole or a jerk. Or her yelling it actually. It’s like the crown jewel on the crown of insults.
So I googled “Asshole” and “Jerk” and the online urban dictionary came up with two interesting definitions:
Jerks: Jerks are selfish, manipulative bastards who see women as little more than sexual conquests to brag about to their buddies or mere objects that are there for their personal pleasure.
Assholes: A person who fills you with disgust and anger.
Pretty strong emotions on display here don’t you think?
First off, since the definitions in the urban dictionary are submitted by random individuals, I’m inclined to believe the person who submitted the definition for “Jerks” was a seriously pissed off lady. Seriously, you should see the rest of that definition online, she was talking from experience. And she was bitter. Could also be a guy who knows?
After reading that, the next question I asked myself was what about the nice guy? Here’s what urban dictionary had to say;
The Nice Guy: A young male who will give up countless hours of his time listening to the problems of his very attractive female friends because they need someone to talk to about their apathetic, jock of a boyfriend because no one else will listen or genuinely care. Although always surrounded by beautiful girls the nice guy can’t get a girlfriend or even facilitate the alleviation of certain “drives” because his “ordinary” physical appearance will forever be compared to the Baywatch beach bum’s. The nice guy would never capitalize on a vulnerable girl, objectify or cheat on a girl, he will go out of his way and bend over backwards to help his “friends” and will never ask for anything in return but no matter how intelligent, understanding, humorous, compassionate, trusting or loyal the nice guy is the female cohort will always pass him up and endure any length of abuse, objectification, apathy and cold-heartedness from a man if he has physical attractiveness, fashion, big muscles and chiselled facial features.
Ok I have to admit, as a self-professed nice guy, I felt a bit insulted by this definition, but it’s largely true, any honest guy will tell you the same.
I’ve asked a couple of ladies I know, who their ideal guy is and I’ve always gotten a fairly generic response; handsome, confident, makes her laugh and is a gentleman; and then I meet their boyfriend and I find out their response was a load of bull. He may be handsome, confident and even funny but he’s definitely not a gentleman.
Which brings me back to the beginning; Why are the 1st two sets of guys so appealing to the ladies? I’m not talking Tv ish now, I’m talking real life intelligent smart girls hanging out with handsome, comfortable empty airheads who can’t tell a horse from a donkey, I’m sorry if I’m coming off pissed, but maybe I am, just a little bit.
Then when he hurts you, you turn around and call him a jerk or an asshole then you run off to that ever reliable “nice guy” who by the way, you conveniently “friend zoned” and cry on his shoulders.
Maybe it’s an innate motherly desire in women to repair or fix things that are broken; they see a guy they like with issues as clear as daylight and they want to fix him.
Every guy has an element of all three in him; the asshole, the jerk, and the nice. But for the most part you can usually tell early on into which category a guy falls. If your eyes are wide open that is.
With benefit of hindsight, I do know it’s cool being the nice guy…eventually. In the meantime it can be a pain in the ass.
Ariel Ugorji identifies himself as a mild insomniac, geek, nerd, an audiophile, an avid music lover, Liverpool Fan and an unashamed Christian; with more often than not a completely different point of view on the world and a love for sensible arguments. He Resides in Warri, Nigeria; the land of the sharp and the brave.
To view more of his write ups, please visit his BLOG. You can also share your views with him on twitter @arielugorji.
Do you agree with the author that being a nice guy sucks? Please share your thoughts.